look at my iphone douche bag

so i have a freakin sinus infection and it feels like there's a fetus maturing
inside my head. right behind my left eye ball. is that ok? maybe i should get that checked out...
but yet everything is A-Okay. you might ask why? well....Because today i get to
stare at my beaming laptop for 10 hours.
and not because i have to. no That would make a little too much sence. no
you see the reason i sit in front of my piercing screen each day. day after
day is really quite simple.......its because i am absorbed, accustomed, attached,
dedicated, dependent, devoted, disposed, fanatic, fond, given over, given
to, habituated, hooked, hooked on, hyped, imbued, inclined, obsessed,
predisposed, prone, spaced out, strung out, used to. i guess you could just
say i am addicted. but hey atleast i dont have an iPhone.. and noo I'm not going to get one either.I'm not getting one because I already have a phone that's better: it's called the razor, it's the pinnacle of human achievement, and I love it more than my family: well maybe its not that great but I'm just tired of the iPhone fanboys shooting huge sticky wads and high-fiving each other over their stupid cellphones.the razor uses a technology that's even more advanced than the iPhone's tap screen, allowing you to actually feel the keys you press as you're pressing them! The technology is called "tactile response," and it allows you to do things like dial a phone number without staring at your screen like a shit-chucking ape. In fact, every other cellphone ever made has this technology, sometimes called "buttons.''When the iPhone was first announced, CEO Steve Jobs spewed enough BS to cover a football field full of babies 3 feet deep in bullshit, which sounds cool because he could have potentially murdered a football field full of babies, but he passed on this opportunity by introducing the phone instead. He claimed that the phone was three devices in one: an iPod, a phone, and an "Internet communications device." Oooh, an Internet communications device?! AWESOME!
t's not three devices in one any more than my laptop is you morons. Using Jobs' loose definition of what constitutes a separate device, technically my laptop can be considered 9 devices in one:


A clock
A calculator
An "Internet communications device"
A phone (I can make voice calls with my modem)
A video phone
A pornographic media storage device
A video player
A word processor
And an "iPod"

There's no such thing as an iPod. The word "iPod" is a marketing tool for a hard drive with software that plays mp3s. Yeah, doesn't sound so sexy now, does it? And an "internet communications device" is officially the douchebaggiest way of saying "it has a browser." So actually it's just a phone that plays mp3s and has a browser. SNORE. so if you want to have a Screen that turns into a smudgy piece of shit after a few minutes of use or phone You have to send to Apple when the battery dies and risk getting your phone lost, stolen, or damaged in transit or Can't do fundamental tasks like copy & paste text or Holds your phone hostage to Apple for new software updates because Apple won't allow everyone to develop applications for it or Can't record video or doesnt have Voice dialing... then get a piece of shit iphone and high five your friends.


ok im going to bed. xx Cory xx

P.S. thanks chad for drawing me so i look like a creepy mexican in that flyer for the 19th. Im a creepy japanese guy. get it right.